Thursday, September 20, 2018

What not to say to a 'godly wife' (apparently)

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I am responding to an article on how to talk to a 'godly wife'. Solving your problems yourself? There's no such thing! You need 'god' in every decision you make because they aren't yours to make they are 'god's'.

“You should have asked for help.”
A woman wants a husband who will care for her and watch over her. She wants a protector and to feel taken care of. Because of this, it’s nice when our husband notices we might need help with something and jumps in for the support.
[What you’re implying is that women are weak and constantly need a man to step in to help out? That’s what I’m getting from this statement.]
Sometimes a wife might need help reaching for that bowl above the refrigerator or picking up the cheerios on the floor. This is a great opportunity to jump in and serve your wife.
[If you can’t reach something too high up ask for your husband for help, or just use a stepstool and grab it yourself. It’s not hard! I mean you’re making women out to be just completely and utterly useless in everything they do.]
If you don’t jump in and maybe your wife seems frustrated or mentions she would have like helped, refrain from commenting she should have asked for it. A comment like that will leave her feeling alone and uncared for.
[This is bullshit! You won’t know if anyone needs help unless they reach out and ask for it. Example, my partner maybe in the living room watching TV and I’ll be in the kitchen and I spill something. It would be highly unfair if I’m cleaning up the spill and expect my partner to automatically know I need help and should run to my aid. If I need help I’ll reach out for it, this is why you communicate with each other! Open your mouth and say how you feel!]

“We just don’t agree so let’s not talk about it.”
Sometimes the logic is; if I know we won’t agree on the topic or see eye to eye, let’s not talk about it. But not talking about it doesn’t make the difference go away. If anything, it creates a gap that will only grow with time.
[There are lots of things my partner and I don’t agree on. We, however come to a middle ground on various issues that we do encounter in our relationship. He doesn’t agree with somethings I think is sensible and vice versa. But we don’t avoid it, we address it when needed. So yes this I agree with, communication is important.]
I’ve watched this happen when it comes to politics, family, and even the Bible. Don’t be afraid to talk to your wife regarding a sensitive issue just because you don’t think you’ll agree. Take the opportunity to really listen to each other and grow closer through the differences.
[I agree with everything you’ve said here except the bible. You just had to toss the fucking bible in!]

“Why are you doing it that way?”
When we’re working on something we care about or pour a lot of time into, we look to our husband for encouragement and validation.
[You could quite literally take that comment in so many directions. I will apply this to my partner and I. He may have noticed that I’m doing a task inefficiently and wants to suggest an easier way of doing so. I would greatly appreciate that tip rather than jumping down his throat and yelling at him. The whole point of a relationship is that it’s all teamwork. We help build each other up and we help each other when one of us is down, and to get mad over a suggestion is just petty.]

“Looks the same to me.”
Your wife gets a new haircut, works out to lose a few pounds, or tries out a new makeup look. She wants to know you notice and might ask “how do I look” or “can you tell I made a change?” If so, never say anything close to “you look the same to me.”
[My partner and I generally don’t have this issue; if I buy a new shirt he will notice right away or if I get my haircut he will notice right away. It is mainly due to him being a very observant and I am the total opposite. I’ll notice larger changes, example he’s working out more and he also changes up his hairstyle. Little things like new shirt or new shoes I won’t notice right away because I’m not very observant and he doesn’t get mad over it. He will tell me flat out ‘hey look at my new shirt’.]
Your wife wants you to notice her, in both the small and significant ways. Make a comment about how you like the new look or appreciate the hard work she’s put into the new effort.
[We all want to be noticed in large and small ways but this is just ridiculous!]

“What did you do all day?”
This is a big no, no! Some women stay home to take care of the kiddos while the husband goes to work, or perhaps works from home. I beg you to please never come home and ask your wife what she’s been doing all day. Maybe the house isn’t perfect or dinner is a bit late, but I promise you that any woman staying home to care for the family, whether that be with kids or a stay-at-home job, is not bored or sitting around the house all day.
[Men stay at home with their kids too! I give major props to any stay at home parent because it’s hard. My partner and I both work full-time jobs and we are both off on the same days. When it comes to cooking we take turns, and when it comes to cleaning we both pitch in to help keep our house clean. I understand some men out there or women work full-time jobs and want to come home and relax, but you do have to realize your partner has a full-time job of raising the kids, cleaning the house and cooking supper. Anyone will want that little break time or to feel appreciated even if the house isn’t in 100% order. He or she may have been running errands all day. I agree with this one, except the ‘woman’ part because there are stay at home dads in the world.]

“What did you say?”
If your wife is sharing something with you, please don’t tune her out as you look at your phone or daydream about the upcoming game (or whatever it is men daydream about!). The last thing your wife wants to hear after she has said something is, “what did you say?” This can be incredibly discouraging and deflating.
[This isn’t just a ‘woman’ thing here! Men want to be heard and want to know that their partner is listening to them wholeheartedly. My partner is like this as well, he gets very sensitive if he feels someone isn’t listening to him when he speaks. I give him my full undivided attention when he talks and when I talk he does the same. Stop trying to make men look like just complete assholes because it depends upon the person. There are women who do the same exact thing you are accusing men of doing, it’s not about gender here it’s all about the person.]

“I don’t know.”
Your wife is looking for her keys or asking what you’d like for dinner, just to name a few examples. She’s turning to you for some insight or help. When you say “I don’t know” and keep doing what you’re doing, you leave your wife feeling alone.
[It highly depends upon the situation, and no one has all the answers for everything. Example, if I ask my partner something and he has no clue how to answer, I’d rather him be honest with me and say I don’t know rather than pull shit out of his ass. I understand you want the insight from your partner but you have to also realize not everyone is perfect and not everyone will know the answer to your particular issue. Secondly, you can ask for help like I’ve said in the beginning. Also, many people aren’t picky eaters, so when you ask ‘hey what do you want for dinner?’ it’s not to be annoying but some just don’t really care what you pick; or if they have a suggestion they’ll make one. I always end up picking the food we eat for dinner because my partner doesn’t really care majority of the time unless he really has a taste for something and he will cook it himself for the two of us.]
Instead, jump in and ask how you can help, offer to look with her, or make some suggestions.
[The food suggestion you can brainstorm on together, it’s not that hard and it works all the time.]

 “I’ll do it later.”
She asks for some help with the house, or for you to run to the grocery store. You respond with “I’ll do it later” but forget or do it a few days later. Here’s the deal: if you do say it, be the person who does it within a reasonable time that doesn’t leave your wife stressed. Only then, having a track record of getting things done, may you use this phrase. If your history is spotty, it’s time to amp up your timeliness!
[It’s not just a ‘man’ thing, women are also guilty of this as well. It all depends upon the person like I’ve been saying throughout this article. You have a lot of women who are procrastinators or just simply forgetful. This isn’t a bad thing but at the same time it does get annoying. You ask for help with a chore and you want your partner to follow through with it. It’s not something to get stressed out about. Work with your partner, try to motivate them to want to do certain chores. It’s not all about ‘you do this’ and ‘you do that’ it’s about working as a team to help each other out.]

“I don’t remember saying that” or “You’re remembering that wrong.”
When remembering some details, both people are going to feel confident in their memory. Be careful how you handle this conversation or it could quickly turn into a fight.
If you feel confident in your memory, try something different like “they way I remember it is…” and approach it from a neutral perspective. Saying something like “you’re remembering it wrong” can feel like an attack and put your wife on the defense.
[My memory is awful when it comes to small details and my partner his memory is sharp. He will remember things that I’ve said to him that I won’t right away. We don’t get into fights about it because there’s no need to break into a fight over it. We may disagree on things said to each other, or if he doesn’t fully remember the situation he’ll try to brainstorm with me until it jogs his memory. Yes I agree, you do want to pick and choose your battles but some people just naturally have bad memory. I wouldn’t ever say that and I don’t know anyone who would say that either.]

“It’s up to you.”
You’re trying to come up with a plan or figure out where to eat and your wife asks for your opinion. You then respond, “it’s up to you.” This can be a frustrating remark to hear and make your wife feel alone or bossy.
[My partner has said this to me several times and he really does just go with the flow. He really isn’t a picky eater, and if he wants something he’ll make the suggestion or prepare it himself for the both of us. I don’t feel alone or bossy, I just know that he wants me to pick something that makes me happy. It’s nothing wrong with that, often times he will make suggestions and I’ll go along with whatever he says.]
Engage in conversation with her to find a solution that works for both of you!
[You’re supposed to do this regardless! You are a couple and you work through things by talking it out!]
Disclaimer: I gathered these in a poll conducted with godly wives. To my wonderful husband, you’ve only said one or two of these [wink, wink]!
[What the fuck is a ‘godly wife’? You just had to throw religion in there right? Why solve our problems like normal people when we can incorporate ‘god’ into them and become ‘children’ because ‘children’ are the ones who can’t really make decisions on their own and that’s what ‘god’ wants of you and your relationship right? Run to him for everything like children!]

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