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I found an article about an ex-gay man and well. I felt it was only appropriate to break down this article little by little and critique the hell out it. Why you may ask? Well why not!
Please remember that your sexual orientation cannot be changed. There is nothing wrong with being gay/lesbian or bisexual. You should embrace who you are as a person and surround yourself with people who also love you for who you are. Conversion therapy is wrong and no one should have to go through this.
Dean Bailey, 50, is not afraid to tell anyone he is living proof that ‘sexual orientation’ can in fact be changed. But he prefers to use the word ‘restored’ rather than ‘changed.’
[I would be ashamed to tell someone this. You’ve been brainwashed for all the wrong reasons. There is nothing wrong with being ‘gay’ and well to be honest I doubt you were. It sounds as if you are bisexual and came to terms with your attraction to both, but instead of embracing it. You’re basically suppressing it which is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You have only one life to live, why not live it being happy with yourself 100%?]
Bailey remembers how from an early age he felt different from other boys. He felt he did not fit in and thought of himself as awkward, out of place. He remembers never feeling treasured or affirmed by his dad who was an alcoholic and who consumed pornography. Bailey believes this began a pattern of turning to other males to find the affirmation he never received from his dad.
[I grew up also feeling different from the rest of the boys. I however didn’t go around needing validation from other ‘men’ because I didn’t get that from my father. I understand that at the time you wanted a father figure that you didn’t have at home, which is fine but it still doesn’t answer the question of how you were gay one moment straight the next. It wasn’t God’s Plan because God doesn’t exist and if he did this is a fucked up way to go about doing so.]
When a new outgoing boy began to attend school when Bailey was in grade three, he remembers trying hard to become the boy’s friend. It was during a sleepover at the boy’s house that Bailey was introduced to sexual play, including streaking and oral copulation. The experience not only robbed him of his childhood innocence, but awakened in him a sense of sexual curiosity.
[Obviously you were at your curious stage which ‘everyone’ goes through. It sounds to me that instead of embracing the decisions you’ve made, you are beating yourself up over them. We all make decisions that we regret in life but that doesn’t mean that you need to punish yourself for them. I gave up my virginity to someone who I didn’t even care for. Yes, at that age you don’t think things through, and all you can do is learn and grow from that.]
From here, Bailey became preoccupied with images of male nudity and with taking more daring sexual risks with different boys. As he grew older, the sexual acts Bailey performed with other boys became as a source of comfort to him, making him believe he was being loved and accepted. But while such acts would make him feel good for a while, he says they were never able to help him overcome the constant theme of emptiness and brokenness he felt inside. The sexual activities quickly became addictive.
[Performing sexual acts will not validate a love or need of acceptance that you are seeking. You can have sex with someone and not ‘love’ them. The only way you can get love and acceptance is from yourself. You cannot seek that from anyone. People will tell you that they love you to get what they want from you, but that’s not love it’s manipulation. Sex can get addicting I understand that but the way you’re using it here is as a cooping mechanism for your sorrows instead of facing them head on. This can happen to anyone in different scenarios, I’m not seeing how this proved you needed to be converted? I could see you having a drastic life change because anonymous sex is not safe at all.]
When a schoolgirl refused to go on a date with him that seemed to signal to the now-teenage Bailey that he was not a normal guy. Then, a few years later, a sexually awkward one-night stand with a woman seemed to confirm to him that he did not have what it took to be a man.
[Welcome to reality! You will come across people who won’t find you attractive and you’re attracted to them and vice versa. One awkward sexual encounter shouldn’t make you question your ‘manhood’. (Side note: You’re having way too much sex.) I understand you have a very uncomfortable moment when having sex with someone. It happens to us all; you are taking this way over the top now.]
Bailey was now a young man in the military. Although in the meantime he had gotten married, he continued to crave male intimacy and experience gripping same-sex attractions. An intimate but non-sexual encounter with a military male friend whom he greatly admired eventually led to explicit homosexual behaviors.
[You are struggling with your bisexuality and also dragged someone else along for the ride. It isn’t fair to you or that person that you are holding these feelings inside. You obviously have a strong attraction to men and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead of hiding it like some type of illness (which it is not) you should embrace who you are as a person. If you can’t love yourself how in the hell can you love someone else?]
His previous homosexual experiences drove him to seek answers to his insecurities through further homosexual encounters. A downwards spiral ensued as Bailey attempted to satisfy his desires, but only saw them grow in intensity the more he indulged them. Looking back, Bailey now realizes how homosexual acts had become an addiction for him.
[Hold on just a minute! You may have had these feelings but that’s just downright unfair of you to classify every single gay person as sex crazed people. We all are not sex crazed just like not all heterosexuals are homophobic! You don’t have an illness, what you are dealing with is life and the decisions you make have a cause an effect. I’m not saying your orientation is a choice but you having sex with all these random people that’s a fucking choice! You can’t find comfort in sexual activities, especially if you are seeking validation from those people.]
Bailey credits God for acting powerfully in his life to save him from himself, change his life for the good, and ultimately bring about his deliverance from homosexual attractions. God led him on a journey of trust that ultimately led to the heart of Jesus Christ. Here Bailey experienced the love, acceptance, and affirmation he had always craved.
[You can fuck off with that shit! God was the one who put you in this situation in the first place! Being gay is not an illness and shouldn’t be treated as such. I personally don’t believe in god but if he did exist he is a major asshole. Your attraction to men is natural and the fact that you’re treating this as if it’s something wrong with you deeply disturbs me. I can’t muster the words to express how awful this testimony is.]
To put it simply, says Bailey, he fell in love with the person of Jesus. He experienced Him through prayer and through reading the Bible. All Bailey wanted now was to become more like Jesus, more Christ-like. As he began acting more and more on this desire, Bailey noticed a transformation begin to take place in his sexual desires. The homosexual desires began to decrease. For the first time in his life, Bailey began to see himself differently, this time through the eyes of a Savior who — he now realized — loved him unconditionally.
[You can’t love Jesus because he doesn’t even exist! How does one become more Christ-like? Spite all your enemies and threaten them with eternal damnation for not believing in your god? Secondly, if Jesus did exist he was a jerk! I doubt anyone wants to be a jerk. What you are experiencing is brainwashing and indoctrination into a religion that doesn’t give a flying fuck about you unless you worship blindly with them.]