We respond to a pop song lyrics of the 90's

Warning: This is purely satirical content.

Fair use (in US copyright law) the doctrine that brief excerpts of copyright material may, under certain circumstances, be quoted verbatim for purposes such as criticism, news reporting, teaching, and research, without the need for permission from or payment to the copyright holder.

Positive K 'I Got a Man'

Ayo sweetie, you're lookin' kinda pretty

What's a girl like you, doin' in this rough city?

(You’ve met this chick in a rough part of the city or you’re just saying this because she’s a chick by herself. Either way, it’s still a sexist thing to say!)

I'm just here, tryin' to hold my own ground

(You go girl!)

Yeah, I think I like how that sound

(You like the sound of what? This woman being able to hold her own, or the fact that she’s alone and you feel like you can shoot your shot at her? I’m going with the latter on this one.)

What you say we gets to know each other better?

(I knew it!)

That sounds good but I don't think that I can let ya

(It’s sounding like she’s got a man.)

I don't know, tell me is it so

Do you get a kick, out of tellin' brothers no?

(I doubt this one is getting a kick out of telling you ‘no’. She’s trying to be real and honest with you, which is way better than leading you and getting feelings involved.)

No it's not that see you don't understand

How should I put it, I got a man

(Bingo!)

What's your man got to do with me?

(Are you stupid? She said she has a man which means the conversation should be over, unless you just trying to be friends, which from the way you’ve been speaking doesn’t sound like it at all.)

I told ya

(Girl, you need to run away at this point.)

I'm not tryin' to hear that see

(Yeah, she’s lying. She just enjoys telling ‘brothers’ like yourself ‘no’.)

I'm not one of those girls that go rippin' around

(Correct, if you’re in a committed relationship. You wouldn’t be messing around with other people.)

I'm not a dog baby, so don't play me like a clown

(This is getting incredibly ridiculous here. She’s told you she has a man and you think she’s playing games? What in the fuck is going on here?)

I'll admit, I like how you kick it

(It’s one thing to enjoy hanging with someone and it’s another when you trying to get with someone. This dude is not seeing the ‘picture’ at all.)

Now you're talkin' baby, that's the ticket

(There’s no ‘ticket’! She likes that you’re a nice guy but lest we forget, she’s got a man!)

Now don't get excited and chuck your own in

I already told ya, I got a man

(You’ve got a man but I’m still going to shoot the shot cliché.) 

What's your man got to do with me?

(How would you feel if some dude tried to use the same lines on your girlfriend?)

I got a man

(He knows and is being stupid cliché.)

I'm not tryin' to hear that see

(Well, what do you want her to say? Get the fuck away from me?)

I got a man

(Walk away)

What's your man got to do with me?

(Harassment)

I got a man

(At this point it’s just a waste of breathe and energy.)

I'm not tryin' to hear that

(Harassment)

Now you can persist to play don juan all day

But ain't nothin' gonna change

(This whole back and forth shit is getting ridiculous and out of control.)

Yeah baby, sure you're right

I'ma break it down and do whatever I got's to do

I tell you now, I got eyes for you

(Basically, you don’t want to hear anything she has to say; and you want her to cheat on her boyfriend?)

You got eyes, but they not for me

(Nope, his eyes are on your vagina.)

You better use them for what they for and that's to see

(At a certain point you can walk away. No one is forcing you to continue with this conversation.)

You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin'

I'm big daddy longstroke, and your man's pee wee herman

(What is she learning? How to accept being harassed? Also, how do you know what her man looks like? You’re downplaying him simply because he exists and you can’t have your way with this woman. The 90’s was an interesting time.)

I got a question to ask you troop

Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin' me soup

(Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

You know what they say about those who sweat theyself

You might find yourself, by yourself

(SHE HAS A MAN, HOW IS SHE SWEATING HERSELF?!!!)

I'm not waitin' because I'm no waiter

So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later

(Well, no one is telling you to wait. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.)

All them girls must got you gassed

A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass

(Well, I’m not sure how this will sway this woman to want you. She’s clearly happy with her man, so best thing is to move on.)

Well that's ok, cause see if that's their plan

'Cause for me, I already got a man

(She got a man and don’t want you cliché.)

What's your man got to do with me?

(Everything, her man is the reason she’s saying no to your advances.)

I got a man

I'm not tryin' to hear that see

I got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin' to hear that

(I got a man. I’m not trying to hear it! Was this song written by a five year-old?)

What am i, some crab inmate

That just came home from jail sweatin' you for a date?

(Why are you sweating her for a date when she’s got a man?)

I don't want no beef, I just wants to get together

(You’re going to get beef with her man if you keep at it.)

But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!

We can't have nothing

(But nothing was offered? I’m so confused here.)

It all depends

Well if we can't be lovers than we can't be friends

(You don’t know this woman, and you don’t even know if you two will even work out. So why are you so thirsty for her to leave her man for you?)

Well then I guess it's nothing

(We can’t be friends because I’m in love with you cliché.)

Well hey I think you're bluffing

(Yes, because women like to tell ‘brothers’ no and be on bullshit.)

Well I'ma call my man

(Maybe you should because this guy isn’t taking any of the hints you’ve been throwing out.)

Well I can get raggamuffin

(So what you’re saying is that you can get someone with ragged clothing?)

Ya better catch a flashback remember I'm not crabbin' it

(*Slow clap*)

You know my style, from I'm not havin' it

(The style of harassment)

All I remember's an excuse me miss

(And that’s all you should remember from this pointless conversation.)

You can't get a guy like me with a line like this

(I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want a guy like you with no type of lines.)

Well look I'll treat you good

(Yeah, that’s what they all say.)

My man treats me better

(My man does too, so you go girl!)

I talk sweet on the phone

(That shit don’t pay the phone bill.)

My man writes love letters

(Love letters is love letters, women like that shit.)

I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care

(Keep pulling shit out of your ass.)

My man says the same except he's sincere

(She’s not having your bullshit!)

Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about

(None of that mean shit when it comes to being faithful and committed.)

My man buys me things and he takes me out

(Brag much?)

Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route

(So you don’t want to take her out? Or buy her gifts every now and then? I guess he’s done with you then. Hopefully this song is over because it’s ridiculous!)

Don't you know yu haffa respeck me

(Respect is earned not given.)

There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

(Why don’t you find those girls that won’t say no then?)

You're out for mami with your DJ money

(Do you mean Miami? Secondly, DJs can make really good money. I don’t see what your point here is.)

Boom batter my pockets is gettin fatter

(And I’m getting stupider every second this song continues.)

I want to turn you on and excite you

(The continuation of harassing comments)

Let me know the spot on your body and I bite you

(The harassment continues)

So when your man don't treat you like he used to

I kick in like a turbo booster

(I guess relationships according to this song get old and you kick people to the curb once you’ve been with them for way too long.)

You want lovin' you don't have to ask when

(That’s a question we ask our partners all the time right?)

Your man's a headache, I'll be your aspirin

(You’ve never met her ‘man’ so how do you know that he’s a ‘headache’? She never gave you the impression that her man was a ‘headache’.)

All confusion, you know I'll solve em

(What’s the confusion? She has a man and she doesn’t want you, case closed!)

I got a man

(We know!)

You got a what?

(Bitch if you say that one more time!)

How long you had that problem?

(If having a man is a ‘problem’ why in the fuck would she want you then? Also, from the chick perspective this is a freaking awesome response from her.)

What's your man got to do with me?

(Skip)

I got a man

(Skip)

I'm not tryin' to hear that see

I got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin' to hear that

I got a man

(More back and forth bullshit. Skip!)

Ayo baby put the dial numbers or your address

(You’re either incredibly stupid or just don’t give a fuck about this woman having a ‘man’.)

I got a man (I told ya I treat you right)

I got a man (aww c'mon now ain't no future in frontin')

(Casual way of saying dump your man for me cliché.)

I'm not havin' it

C'mon miss, oh we back on that again

Uhh, I'm not tryin' to hear that see

I got a man

But your man ain't me

Uhh, uhh, I got a man

You got a what?

Uhh, uhh, uhh, I got a man

You got a what?

(The endless loop of bullshit will go on and on forever and ever.)

Overall: A 90’s song about harassment paired to a catchy beat, or a catchy dance hit about harassment from the 90’s. 

We critique pop song lyrics

Fair use - (in US copyright law) the doctrine that brief excerpts of copyright material may, under certain circumstances, be quoted verbatim for purposes such as criticism, news reporting, teaching, and research, without the need for permission from or payment to the copyright holder.

Before reading: This blog was written simply as satire, if you are easily offended please click off. You've been warned! 

Nicki Minaj 'Stupid Hoe' 

I get it cracking like a bad back

(You clearly said this line to be clever but it’s incredibly stupid, and there were three of you who wrote this song! You’re telling me that this is the best you all could come up with?)

Bitch talkin she the queen when she looking like a lab rat

(Some lab rats are actually smarter than people. Maybe you should’ve hired a lab rat to write you better lyrics.)

I’m Angelina, you Jennifer come on bitch you see where Brad at?

(Jennifer clearly wins here because having Brad isn’t anything to brag about, just saying. Secondly, what’s with this ‘I got a man’ and you don’t – thus I’m better than you? I hate that line of thinking it’s condescending as fuck!)

Ice my wrist-es then I piss on bitches

(You put on expensive jewelry just to piss on people, uh what? Also, Nicki is showing that she likes giving golden showers. I know a few guys and hell a few lesbians that would be totally down with this.)

You could suck my diznick, if you take these jizzes

(Another way of telling someone to suck your dick until you ejaculate. Secondly, how is that an insult if you are throwing out an invitation for someone to pleasure you orally? There are some gay men who would be down with doing this.)

You don’t like them disses, give my ass some kisses

(Again, there are some lesbians and hetero men that would be down with doing this.)

Yeah they know what this is, give bitches the business

(Well, people are going to like you and not like you that’s life. Also, you treat people who dislike you crudely because? I mean if you look at it from the ‘haters’ perspective, it seems justifiable if you’re treating people crudely simply for not liking you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.)

Cause I pull up and I’m stuntin but I ain't a stuntman

(Well, I know a few stuntmen that are insulted by this. Also, if you’re acting like this everywhere you go. Your ‘haters’ have a good point. I can’t tell you how to spend your money but showboating like this isn’t helping your case at all.)

Yes I’m rockin Jordans but I ain't a jumpman

(I know a few people that buy Jordans because of the name ‘Jordan’ on them.)

Bitches play the back cuz they know I’m the frontman

(Why because you’ve got Jordans and you showboat?)

Put me on a dollar cause I’m who they trust in

(Who has trust in you? At this point, I wouldn’t trust you with a rock.)

Ayo SB, what the fuck’s good?

(The real question is when the fuck is this song over? It’s just an endless charade of stupidity.)

We ship platinum, them bitches is shippin wood

(Once again we get to another stupid line in this song, and yet I still can’t get over the fact that it took three people to write this shit.)

Them nappy headed hoes, but my kitchen good

(What the fuck does that even mean?)

I wish I wish I wish I wish a bitch would

(You wish someone would what, tell you this song is stupid? ‘God’ someone really does need to tell her!)

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, yeah you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, yeah you a you a stupid hoe

(I understand that you’re trying to tell your haters that they don’t ‘faze’ you but this is the wrong way of going about doing it; calling someone a stupid hoe while spewing stupid shit cliché.)

Look Bubbles, go back to ya habitat

(Are you telling Bubbles to go back to his habitat because he would die if he did. He’s lost all his survival instincts. Oh, you’re calling your haters ‘Bubbles’ which still isn’t an insult considering the lavish life this monkey lived with Michael Jackson and still lives today.)

MJ gone and I ain't havin that

(You’re not having any of what exactly? We certainly don’t want any of the stupid shit you’re tossing around.)

How you gonna be the stunt double to the nigga monkey??

(I know when you read the lyrics to yourself it sounded good. But it’s not sounding that that way at all.)

Top of that I’m in the Phantom lookin hella chonky

(I feel bad for that Phantom.)

Ice my wrist-es then I piss on bitches

You could suck my diznick, if you take these jizzes

You don’t like them disses, give my ass some kisses

Yeah they know what this is, give bitches the business

(Skip)

'Cause I pull up in the Porsche but it ain't de Rossi

(De Rossi is an Italian surname and Porsche is a German Automaker. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to use Ferrari or Lamborghini?)

Pretty bitches only could get in my posse

(Only real reason to be in that posse is because you have money and showboat it like no tomorrow. You want my used Phantom for free, hell yeah!)

Yes my name is Roman, last name is Zolanski

(I know Roman is your alter ego. He’s evil and mean, so when it comes to you being crude to your ‘hater’s do you blame Roman? So basically Roman is the fall guy, tough break for Roman I guess. But he’s rolling around in Phantoms and Porsches so fuck him.)

But no relation to Roman Polanski

(I could’ve sworn he was your grandfather. There is some family resemblance there.)

Hey, yo Baby Bop, fuck you and your EP

(Did Baby Bop release an EP? If so good for her, I mean why not? You have a music career based on dumb shit like this song. Baby Bop song can’t be any worse than this.)

Who’s gassing this ho? BP?

(Somehow BP isn’t offended by this line?)

Hmm.. thinks 1, 2, 3, do the Nicki Minaj blink

(Why on earth would anyone want to do that stupid shit?)

'Cause these hoes so busted, hoes is so crusty

(And you’re the paradigm of what your haters should be?)

These bitches is my sons and I don't want custody

Hoes so busted, hoes is so crusty these bitches is my sons and I don't want custody3

(Was this line supposed to be clever? What constitutes a busted ‘ho’?)

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, yeah you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, yeah you a you a stupid hoe

(Stupid repetitive pop song doesn’t make me want to get up and dance. I’ve lost precious brain cells just reading these lyrics.)

If you cute, then your crew can roll

(But you said you only want cute bitches. Here you said if only ‘one person’ is cute the whole crew can roll? Make up your damn mind woman!)

If you sexy, eat my cucka roll

(I know a lot of lesbians and hetero men who would love to do that.)

Put ya cape on, you a super hoe

(So there are crusty hoes, busted hoes, stupid hoes and now we’ve got super hoes? I didn’t know there was this many variations of hoes.)

Twenty twelve, I’m at the super bowl

(The same year I decided to say fuck the halftime show.)

Stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so wack

(A stupid hoe is a person or ‘hater’ that doesn’t like you, which makes them all these awful things. However, you’ve shown no reason to like you other than you have money for days, a big ass and very minimal abilities to write lyrics.)  

Stupid ho shoulda befriended me then she coulda prolly came back

(That’s not a genuine friendship if all the person is doing is using you for what you’ve got.)

Stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so wack

(This line is whack!)

Stupid ho shoulda befriended me then she could've probably came back

(Repetitive garbage continues.)

You a stupid ho, you a stupid ho, you a stupid ho

(If this was supposed to be a diss track, Nicki you failed epically.)

And I ain't hit that note but fuck a stupid ho, fuck you stupid hoe

I said fuck a stupid ho and fuck a stupid hoe

I said fuck a stupid ho and fuck a stupid hoe

I said fuck a stupid ho and fuck a stupid hoe

(This is the most articulate way to express one’s feelings.)

I am the female Weezy

(That’s nothing to brag about, at all.)

Overall: “You a stupid song, you a – you a – you a stupid song”.