What not to say to a 'godly wife' (apparently)

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I am responding to an article on how to talk to a 'godly wife'. Solving your problems yourself? There's no such thing! You need 'god' in every decision you make because they aren't yours to make they are 'god's'.

“You should have asked for help.”
A woman wants a husband who will care for her and watch over her. She wants a protector and to feel taken care of. Because of this, it’s nice when our husband notices we might need help with something and jumps in for the support.
[What you’re implying is that women are weak and constantly need a man to step in to help out? That’s what I’m getting from this statement.]
Sometimes a wife might need help reaching for that bowl above the refrigerator or picking up the cheerios on the floor. This is a great opportunity to jump in and serve your wife.
[If you can’t reach something too high up ask for your husband for help, or just use a stepstool and grab it yourself. It’s not hard! I mean you’re making women out to be just completely and utterly useless in everything they do.]
If you don’t jump in and maybe your wife seems frustrated or mentions she would have like helped, refrain from commenting she should have asked for it. A comment like that will leave her feeling alone and uncared for.
[This is bullshit! You won’t know if anyone needs help unless they reach out and ask for it. Example, my partner maybe in the living room watching TV and I’ll be in the kitchen and I spill something. It would be highly unfair if I’m cleaning up the spill and expect my partner to automatically know I need help and should run to my aid. If I need help I’ll reach out for it, this is why you communicate with each other! Open your mouth and say how you feel!]

“We just don’t agree so let’s not talk about it.”
Sometimes the logic is; if I know we won’t agree on the topic or see eye to eye, let’s not talk about it. But not talking about it doesn’t make the difference go away. If anything, it creates a gap that will only grow with time.
[There are lots of things my partner and I don’t agree on. We, however come to a middle ground on various issues that we do encounter in our relationship. He doesn’t agree with somethings I think is sensible and vice versa. But we don’t avoid it, we address it when needed. So yes this I agree with, communication is important.]
I’ve watched this happen when it comes to politics, family, and even the Bible. Don’t be afraid to talk to your wife regarding a sensitive issue just because you don’t think you’ll agree. Take the opportunity to really listen to each other and grow closer through the differences.
[I agree with everything you’ve said here except the bible. You just had to toss the fucking bible in!]

“Why are you doing it that way?”
When we’re working on something we care about or pour a lot of time into, we look to our husband for encouragement and validation.
[You could quite literally take that comment in so many directions. I will apply this to my partner and I. He may have noticed that I’m doing a task inefficiently and wants to suggest an easier way of doing so. I would greatly appreciate that tip rather than jumping down his throat and yelling at him. The whole point of a relationship is that it’s all teamwork. We help build each other up and we help each other when one of us is down, and to get mad over a suggestion is just petty.]

“Looks the same to me.”
Your wife gets a new haircut, works out to lose a few pounds, or tries out a new makeup look. She wants to know you notice and might ask “how do I look” or “can you tell I made a change?” If so, never say anything close to “you look the same to me.”
[My partner and I generally don’t have this issue; if I buy a new shirt he will notice right away or if I get my haircut he will notice right away. It is mainly due to him being a very observant and I am the total opposite. I’ll notice larger changes, example he’s working out more and he also changes up his hairstyle. Little things like new shirt or new shoes I won’t notice right away because I’m not very observant and he doesn’t get mad over it. He will tell me flat out ‘hey look at my new shirt’.]
Your wife wants you to notice her, in both the small and significant ways. Make a comment about how you like the new look or appreciate the hard work she’s put into the new effort.
[We all want to be noticed in large and small ways but this is just ridiculous!]

“What did you do all day?”
This is a big no, no! Some women stay home to take care of the kiddos while the husband goes to work, or perhaps works from home. I beg you to please never come home and ask your wife what she’s been doing all day. Maybe the house isn’t perfect or dinner is a bit late, but I promise you that any woman staying home to care for the family, whether that be with kids or a stay-at-home job, is not bored or sitting around the house all day.
[Men stay at home with their kids too! I give major props to any stay at home parent because it’s hard. My partner and I both work full-time jobs and we are both off on the same days. When it comes to cooking we take turns, and when it comes to cleaning we both pitch in to help keep our house clean. I understand some men out there or women work full-time jobs and want to come home and relax, but you do have to realize your partner has a full-time job of raising the kids, cleaning the house and cooking supper. Anyone will want that little break time or to feel appreciated even if the house isn’t in 100% order. He or she may have been running errands all day. I agree with this one, except the ‘woman’ part because there are stay at home dads in the world.]

“What did you say?”
If your wife is sharing something with you, please don’t tune her out as you look at your phone or daydream about the upcoming game (or whatever it is men daydream about!). The last thing your wife wants to hear after she has said something is, “what did you say?” This can be incredibly discouraging and deflating.
[This isn’t just a ‘woman’ thing here! Men want to be heard and want to know that their partner is listening to them wholeheartedly. My partner is like this as well, he gets very sensitive if he feels someone isn’t listening to him when he speaks. I give him my full undivided attention when he talks and when I talk he does the same. Stop trying to make men look like just complete assholes because it depends upon the person. There are women who do the same exact thing you are accusing men of doing, it’s not about gender here it’s all about the person.]

“I don’t know.”
Your wife is looking for her keys or asking what you’d like for dinner, just to name a few examples. She’s turning to you for some insight or help. When you say “I don’t know” and keep doing what you’re doing, you leave your wife feeling alone.
[It highly depends upon the situation, and no one has all the answers for everything. Example, if I ask my partner something and he has no clue how to answer, I’d rather him be honest with me and say I don’t know rather than pull shit out of his ass. I understand you want the insight from your partner but you have to also realize not everyone is perfect and not everyone will know the answer to your particular issue. Secondly, you can ask for help like I’ve said in the beginning. Also, many people aren’t picky eaters, so when you ask ‘hey what do you want for dinner?’ it’s not to be annoying but some just don’t really care what you pick; or if they have a suggestion they’ll make one. I always end up picking the food we eat for dinner because my partner doesn’t really care majority of the time unless he really has a taste for something and he will cook it himself for the two of us.]
Instead, jump in and ask how you can help, offer to look with her, or make some suggestions.
[The food suggestion you can brainstorm on together, it’s not that hard and it works all the time.]

 “I’ll do it later.”
She asks for some help with the house, or for you to run to the grocery store. You respond with “I’ll do it later” but forget or do it a few days later. Here’s the deal: if you do say it, be the person who does it within a reasonable time that doesn’t leave your wife stressed. Only then, having a track record of getting things done, may you use this phrase. If your history is spotty, it’s time to amp up your timeliness!
[It’s not just a ‘man’ thing, women are also guilty of this as well. It all depends upon the person like I’ve been saying throughout this article. You have a lot of women who are procrastinators or just simply forgetful. This isn’t a bad thing but at the same time it does get annoying. You ask for help with a chore and you want your partner to follow through with it. It’s not something to get stressed out about. Work with your partner, try to motivate them to want to do certain chores. It’s not all about ‘you do this’ and ‘you do that’ it’s about working as a team to help each other out.]

“I don’t remember saying that” or “You’re remembering that wrong.”
When remembering some details, both people are going to feel confident in their memory. Be careful how you handle this conversation or it could quickly turn into a fight.
If you feel confident in your memory, try something different like “they way I remember it is…” and approach it from a neutral perspective. Saying something like “you’re remembering it wrong” can feel like an attack and put your wife on the defense.
[My memory is awful when it comes to small details and my partner his memory is sharp. He will remember things that I’ve said to him that I won’t right away. We don’t get into fights about it because there’s no need to break into a fight over it. We may disagree on things said to each other, or if he doesn’t fully remember the situation he’ll try to brainstorm with me until it jogs his memory. Yes I agree, you do want to pick and choose your battles but some people just naturally have bad memory. I wouldn’t ever say that and I don’t know anyone who would say that either.]

“It’s up to you.”
You’re trying to come up with a plan or figure out where to eat and your wife asks for your opinion. You then respond, “it’s up to you.” This can be a frustrating remark to hear and make your wife feel alone or bossy.
[My partner has said this to me several times and he really does just go with the flow. He really isn’t a picky eater, and if he wants something he’ll make the suggestion or prepare it himself for the both of us. I don’t feel alone or bossy, I just know that he wants me to pick something that makes me happy. It’s nothing wrong with that, often times he will make suggestions and I’ll go along with whatever he says.]
Engage in conversation with her to find a solution that works for both of you!
[You’re supposed to do this regardless! You are a couple and you work through things by talking it out!]
Disclaimer: I gathered these in a poll conducted with godly wives. To my wonderful husband, you’ve only said one or two of these [wink, wink]!
[What the fuck is a ‘godly wife’? You just had to throw religion in there right? Why solve our problems like normal people when we can incorporate ‘god’ into them and become ‘children’ because ‘children’ are the ones who can’t really make decisions on their own and that’s what ‘god’ wants of you and your relationship right? Run to him for everything like children!]

Re: 'Godly Wife' - Proverbs 31 wife (Satire)

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I always wanted to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

I decided to see exactly what a Proverbs 31 woman is and quite frankly I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be this type of woman. *Note this article is pure satire* If you’re easily offended, well you’ve been warned.*

A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

Faith – basically you’re going to follow ‘God’ blindly and become more ‘child-like’ in the decisions you make?

A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

Marriage – women submit to your husbands because he is the one in control of the marriage.

A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

Mothering – instead of teaching your children to be independent thinkers, no let’s indoctrinate them and brainwash them early. You got to have new recruitments for the cult – I mean church.

A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

Health – so women who aren’t god fearing don’t give a flying fuck about their bodies?

A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

Service – in so many words she’s basically a slave?

A Virtuous Woman spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

Finances – everyone should be careful with their finances not just ‘god fearing women’.

A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

Industry – yes, cook my dinner; wash my clothes; clean the house! And don’t you dare complain because that’s not what a ‘god fearing woman’ should do.

A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

Homemaking – yes because that’s all that women are good for right? Staying at home, raising the kids and being a good housewife.

A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

Time – she better not think about reading or doing activities that she enjoys because ‘God’ hates that shit. You need to be submissive to your husband, feed the children, clean the house and be a good housewife. ‘God’ hates fun. Do you want ‘God’ unpleased with you?

A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

Beauty – don’t dress like a ‘whore’ don’t act like one either; be submissive to your husband though because ‘God’ likes that shit.

The only problem is that I don’t really have any idea what that means.

So how the fuck do you want to be a Proverbs 31 woman with no clue as to what it means to be one?

Does being a proverbs 31 woman mean being one of those super hospitable wives and super committed moms?  How does that work for me – being neither a wife or a mother, (let alone hospitable and committed)?

Okay, get yourself a husband then pop out some kids. The next step is crucial, you’ve got to submit to your husband at all times and also make sure your kids are brainwashed as well. You can’t have fun or enjoy the activities you once did because ‘God’ don’t like that shit. You’ve got to be committed to all of the above like super committed every single day! I repeat every single fucking day!

Does it mean being super involved at church? I work at a Church! Score!

Well isn’t that just fucking depressing – I mean wonderful! But don’t forget that you can’t teach men in church or have power over men because ‘God’ don’t like that shit.

Does it mean walking through the characteristics of the gal in the passage like a check list?  Here are the things I’ve gotta do today if I want to be a woman who fears the Lord!

Yes! I’ve got a whole list of chores for you to complete; and while you’re at it make me a sandwich. You better not complain because that’s not what a ‘god fearing woman’ would do!

The sneaky thing about Proverbs 31 is that it doesn’t tell you what to do to become a woman who fears the Lord.  It provides a description of what flows out of a woman who already fears the Lord.

Nope, I’ve listed them all and yes you’ve got to be a housewife; submissive to your husband; serve your community; not dress in a whorish fashion and also complete all your tasks daily. You can’t have fun – that’s the most important part of it. ‘God’ hates fun do you want ‘God’ to hate you? You know who likes fun? Satan, Satan likes fun! Are you a Satan worshipper? You can’t be a ‘god fearing woman’ worshipping Satan!

Below you’ll find four characteristics of a ‘woman who fears the Lord’ that I ripped off from a sermon out of the archives at Desiring God.

‘Ripped off’, that sounds like Satan talk if you ask me!

These things aren’t things to add to your to-do list. They’re an opportunity to test your heart.  If we have a right ‘fear’ or understanding of God, then these four characteristics will overflow in our hearts:

Nope, it’s a to-do list and those chores are not going to do themselves; and that sandwich isn’t going to make itself!

A woman who fears the Lord isn’t anxious about what’s going to happen in her life.

Why would a ‘god fearing woman’ be anxious about anything? Her whole entire life is planned out for her by ‘God’ and her husband basically rules over here. The only thing she has to worry about is making that sandwich and doing her wifely duties of submission and being a baby factory. Don’t forget the house chores.

First, a woman who fears the Lord is not anxious about the future…“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”

There’s no time for laughing when there’s chores that needs to be completed. Also, did you forget that ‘God’ hates fun? You better wipe that grin off your face or else ‘God’ will put you in your fucking place.

Our anxiety reveals what we think about God.

The future is unknown but putting your faith into something that’s also unknown makes no fucking sense.

Do we honestly think He’s a soveriegn and good Father?  Do we honestly believe He cares about the mundane details of our lives and is working everything out for our good?

Nope! The only thing ‘God’ is good at is the following:

Violent

Short-tempered

A very jealous ‘God’

A very controlling ‘God’

Very manipulative

Tends to side more towards evil

Very arrogant

‘God’ certainly cares if you have premarital sex; practice witchcraft; work on the Sabbath day; disobey your parents; part of the LGBT community. Yeah let’s forget all those.

If so, it will affect our anxiety about how our kids are going to do in school this Fall or our fears about being single this time next year, or our obsession with how we’re going to pay our bills next month, or worry about how we’re going to do in that meeting at work tomorrow.

Somethings you just can’t put into ‘God’s’ hands a hope for the best. Helping your kids study and stay on top of their homework is one way to help them do well, or get them a tutor if they need the extra assistance. ‘God’ doesn’t provide money to pay your bills and being single isn’t something you should have anxiety over.

A woman who fears the Lord speaks wisdom and kindness.

You don’t need ‘God’ to speak wisdom and kindness.

Second, the woman who fears the Lord has practical wisdom. Verse 26, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Unless you’re teaching men of course, you can throw all that shit away. ‘God’ is not for women having authority over men or teaching men. He wants you to be submissive and stay quiet.

I love this because I’m a big fan of women redeeming passive communication. This verse tells us that if we’re going to be good stewards of our words we have to know and love God.  A right view of Him will effect the way we choose to spend the gift of language He has given us.

You don’t need to believe in ‘God’ to stand behind the words you speak, that’s just stupid. Secondly, I’m not entirely sure why you think that women have a voice because according to the bible you don’t, and should remain submissive at all times. Do you not know your bible?

A woman who fears the Lord is strong.

Yeah, strong in the delusional department and strong in the blind leading the blind department that’s about it!

Third, the woman who fears the Lord is strong. Verse 25, “Strength and dignity are her clothing.” Verse 17, “She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong.”

Fear is the opposite of strength. It’s like saying I’m strong because I fear cats.

Think for a second about how you define ‘strength’.  Here’s what Piper goes on to say:

Strength has a lot of definitions, but being fearful and submissive certainly isn’t one of them. No one gives a fuck what Piper has to say.

Proverbs 23:17 says, “Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.” The woman who continues in the fear of the Lord will have power to resist all the allurements to envy, to desire what she shouldn’t have.

So what you’re saying is that if you desire to buy a new car that you shouldn’t desire it? I’m completely lost with that one. Also, do you fear ‘God’ do you love him? I’m not sure how you can fear someone and love them at the same time. You can’t have fear and love because that’s just utter bullshit.

True strength looks like contentment.

Yes, but fear is not strength!

Do you want to know if your fear of the Lord overflows into strength?  Do you envy others?

I don’t envy anyone and I don’t have fear for a ‘God’ that I don’t believe in.

Strength means you’re not fearful of anyone or anything. Fear means that you are the opposite of strong.

Except ‘God’ you say women should be fearful of him which means that you do in fact fear someone which is a huge contradiction here.

A woman who fears the Lord is for other people, not against them.

Unless those people are LGBT, ‘whores’ and practice witchcraft; ‘God’ hates that shit.

Fourth, a woman who fears the Lord will live not for herself alone but for others…Verses 11, 12, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.”

Women are baby factories, servants and can’t want shit in life. I heard you loud and clear.

Our view of God will play out in our interaction with others.  If we trust that God is for us, it frees us up to be for other people.  We can look out for their interests because we know God is looking out for ours.

So basically ‘God’ is lazy is what I’m getting from this?

All four of these characteristics overflow from a right understanding and relationship with God.

So you have to have a close relationship with ‘God’ to help other people?

You can’t just get out of your chair and go do these four things to earn the ‘proverbs 31’ merit badge.

So being a servant and submissive isn’t enough? ‘God’ can never make up his mind about anything. He’s almost as bad a Jesus Christ – oh never mind.

If you want to be free of anxiety, if you want to speak kindness and wisdom, if you want to be strong and be for other people, the solution is gloriously complex: fear the Lord.

There’s no strength in fear! There’s no strength in fear! There’s no strength in fear!!! Secondly, you can be kind and not believe in ‘God’. You can speak wisdom and not believe in ‘God’. You can be strong and not believe in ‘God’. It’s like all the credit goes to ‘God’ who is sitting on his lazy ass doing nothing. Can we give some credit to Satan for giving us knowledge?

My hope is that, like me you’ll see this list as a reminder of just how far you have to go in your sanctification.

Nope, it’s like putting the car in reverse and flooring the gas pedal.

Let this list remind you of the opportunity you have to grow in your ‘fear’ of the Lord.  Let that opportunity excited you.  There’s more of Him to know.  There’s more of Him to trust.

There’s nothing ‘exciting’ about ‘fearing’ something that doesn’t exist! How do you ‘trust’ someone when you’re fearful of that person?

As we grow in fearing Him we will be transformed – not to the image of some cool Proverbs woman.  We will be transformed into the very image of His Son.  Neat.

No one wants to ‘transform’ into a servant and certainly no one wants to ‘transform’ into Jesus he’s a jerk. There’s nothing ‘neat’ about anything stated in this article.