Friday, February 1, 2013

JOHNNY JAX TOP 5 SUPER BOWL XLVII PREDICTIONS


RAVENS v 49ERS! LET'S DO THIS!!!
(photo courtesy of Ed Mancia)

Johnny J

We asked Johnny J to come up with 5 Super Bowl Predictions for our gambling fans who like to make bets on the outcome of football games and are especially addicted to prop bets.  Here are his prophecies.  

1. The Baltimore Ravens will win 13-10, thanks to a late fumble, by Frank Gore. Gore will get hit by Mr. Banned-Substance-Himself (the Morphed, Half-Man-Half Deer, Ray Lewis--Ed) going up the middle in a 4-minute offense.

2. Jim Harbaugh, will continue to spit on anyone within a 10-foot radius of him and the refs. He will eventually run past his brother, by-passing any handshakes and immediately look for Jim Schwartz.

3. Ray Lewis, will be sobbing all over the field, with the media asking about the PEDs that accelerated his recovery from a triceps injury in time for the NFL Playoffs. His arm will be oozing from a gash that his teammate Ed Reed gave him (allegedly). Reed was not fined. Did I mention his arm was oozing needles, creams, sprays, and ointments (and so will his tear ducts--Ed)? Ray Lewis will continue to avoid answering those sorts of questions and will continue to sob as he points towards the sky, spewing out unintelligible, random things.

4. Joe Flacco will throw a touchdown pass to Torrey Smith. He will go 17-38 with 2 Ints and a fumble. He will continue to think he is elite and will no doubt, get elite-money. Ray Rice will cough up the football twice, losing one. He will still think he is immune to coughing up cold and phlegm, but not footballs.

5. That guy who made the locker room speech to the 49ers in the commercials, will be making that same speech after the game. "It's because I care Patrick [Willis]."  Jim Harbaugh will walk to the locker room spitting at reporters. He decides to throw his infamous red marker to the crowd. He will later ask the league to do a random drug test on Ray Lewis.

Put some money on this and run with it!  If you want to show some appreciation, please put money in my PayMyFriend account @makejohnnyjrich.  Good luck to you gambling fiends out there.

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