God loves slavery

And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed. He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised.

Genesis chapter 17, verse 12

God knows that there are children who are bought as slaves and well he being the nice god that he is decided that both slave and non-slave children should be circumcised. Bless your heart God always thinking about the children. 

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "These are the regulations for the Passover: No foreigner is to eat of it. Any slave you have bought may eat of it after you have circumcised him, but a temporary resident and a hired worker may not eat of it.

Exodus Chapter 21, verse 1

Again God is showing how he is comfortable with people having slaves. Foreigners and those who are hired to work temp and full-time apparently can’t eat during the Passover. How dare they even think about eating! Slaves, yeah they’re fine. 

Now these are the ordinances which you shall set before them. When you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall serve six years, and in the seventh he shall go out free, for nothing. If he comes in single, he shall go out single; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master's and he shall go out alone. But if the slave plainly says, 'I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,' then his master shall bring him to God, and he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost; and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl; and he shall serve him for life.

Exodus Chapter 21, verse 1

God explains in great detail that he is all for slavery but tells you how to do it. Slaves who have families must leave their families behind once they are set free; if this ‘slave’ doesn’t want to leave their family behind then they are instantly mutilated and branded a slave for life. This clearly is a god of ‘love’. 

If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property.

Exodus Chapter 21, verse 20

You can beat your slave as long as you don’t kill him or her? Well, isn’t that just nice that someone can be beaten to a bloody pulp but as long as they survive you won’t be punished. These ‘slaves’ aren’t people they’re just objects that you own. God you sure do think about the well-being of the slaves. 

If the bull gores a male or female slave, the owner must pay thirty shekels of silver to the master of the slave, and the bull must be stoned

Exodus Chapter 21, verse 32

God I find this one a little disturbing. You’re putting monetary value onto human life. Thirty shekels in today’s currency; the fine would be between $12,000 and $15,000. The owner of the bull must pay this fine and then his bull must be stoned? Clearly the bull is getting the better deal here; oh wait stoned to death? What is with you and stoning people to death? God you clearly have a fixation of watching people suffer. 

No one outside a priest's family may eat the sacred offering, nor may the guest of a priest or his hired worker eat it. But if a priest buys a slave with money, or if a slave is born in his household, that slave may eat his food.

Leviticus Chapter 22, verse 10

‘Slaves’ who have children are automatically ‘slaves’ and can eat from the priest house but anyone else that’s just an abomination! I find it more disturbing that God is still perfectly okay with the whole ‘slave’ concept. 

Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

Luke, Chapter 7, verse 2

God is telling you who you can make a slave and also who you can’t make a slave. Slaves must be passed down like the objects that they are. Children are born into slavery and are slaves for the rest of their life. Except those Israelites! Don’t you mess with them!

Now a centurion had a slave who was dear to him, who was sick and at the point of death. When he heard of Jesus, he sent to him elders of the Jews, asking him to come and heal his slave. And when they came to Jesus, they besought him earnestly, saying, "He is worthy to have you do this for him, for he loves our nation, and he built us our synagogue." And Jesus went with them. When he was not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to him, saying to him, "Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; therefore I did not presume to come to you. But say the word, and let my servant be healed. For I am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me: and I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come,' and he comes; and to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it." When Jesus heard this he marveled at him, and turned and said to the multitude that followed him, "I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith." And when those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the slave well.

Luke, Chapter 7, verse 2

Here is another example of Jesus being a jerk. Jesus heals this ‘slave’ and then instead of freeing the slave from his misery he just says okay back to being a slave you go. What a jerk! Also, I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t have supernatural powers, just saying. 

Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever your task, work heartily...

Colossians, chapter 3, verse 22

God is showing that he loves slavery and the whole concept of it. Work hard ‘slaves’ and fear God. What a great life motto!

Bid slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect; they are not to be refractory, nor to pilfer, but to show entire and true fidelity.

Titus, chapter 2 verse 9

God only loves the Israelites and it is so obvious in how he defends only them and everyone else is inferior. Accept your fate of being a ‘slave’ and follow these rules. 

Examine the rules of slavery and you’ll notice that even Jesus didn’t try to abolish slavery; he was perfectly fine with the idea. He healed a man and told him to continue to be a slave! Jesus most likely didn’t have supernatural powers. He wasn’t the six foot supermodel most worship. Jesus was a Middle Eastern man, five-feet one to be exact. 

The Bible condones slavery because the Bible was written by slave-owning men, not by God. God is imaginary.